We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
