Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
