dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh god it's open bar.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
