so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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