If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
