I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
