mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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