I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
