oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
