Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
