i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
