The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
