The maid of honor just puked.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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