last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
