shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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