new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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