There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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