please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
