Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
