just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
