sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
