6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
