i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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