I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
