thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
not ubering you a puppy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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