You just made me feel so damn special
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you didnt know i had herpes?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
