He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
