I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
