life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
