Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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