promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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