before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
