the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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