Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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