We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
