So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
