I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
