you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
