Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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