I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
