If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
