He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
