You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
