How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
All the doctor said was why
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
