I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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