I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
