You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
