So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
