and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
