the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
