Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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