I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
