In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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