Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
