my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
