I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
